Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
