im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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