we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
