Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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