so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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