the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
