you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
