I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she looked like the before picture.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
