Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
