Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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