so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
