you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
