I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
