he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
