Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
