omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
