no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
