If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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