I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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