one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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