He kissed a someone with a penis
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
