what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
