If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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