Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
