It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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