im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
