On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
