these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
