He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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