I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
