Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
