I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
