I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
