He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
