just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
