You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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