What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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