Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
