Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
