i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
