My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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