Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
