im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
farters have to be the big spoon...
it hurts more in the daytime
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
