..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
