pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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