so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
