dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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