So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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