I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
