Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
