I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
