it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just googled if crying burns calories
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
