Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
